Today's Joys

Kyle loves to feed Elias his bottle. I forgot to mention in my last post that with medicine I'm on I can't breastfeed. But that just means Ben can help out and take one of the night feedings for me.

I also was able to get into the Endocrinologist yesterday and I'm going to have the radioactive iodine uptake and scan May 9th to determine if my nodules or my thyroid itself is overactive. Then I can start taking the anti-thyroid medication at that point. I asked about ablation of my thyroid to just kill it but she wants my levels to come down first before that because I am having so many bad symptoms. So it will probably be a month before I'm noticing any significant improvements.

God did bless me with a 2hr nap today though! Praising Him!

Where my life is at right now

So things have been crazy in my life for the past few weeks. I feel I'm at a place where I want to write out everything that's been going on.
I know my last post was about how overwhelmed I was. Over the past few weeks I'd been getting increasingly anxious and that turned into depression. I just thought I had PPD so I finally called my OB and asked for anti-depressants and started seeing a therapist. Well things got worse from there...alot worse. Last Sunday I woke up feeling horrible. I felt like my skin was crawling and I was hot but didn't have a fever, and had no appetite, and was nauseous, but the worst part was I was so jittery. I felt like I was on speed (though I've never done drugs). It was awful. I thought maybe I had a bad reaction to the anti-depressant so I stopped that. And thus started my week from hell. I felt like I was going insane.

By Tuesday I asked Ben to take me to the ER because I hadn't slept in 2 days because I would wake drenched in sweat and was lucky to get 2 hrs of sleep a night. I felt like I didn't want to live anymore. They gave me ambien to help me sleep which helped me get to sleep but if I woke up I couldn't go back to sleep and I started really stressing about not sleeping and trying to take care of Elias and feed him at night which made me sleep even less.
It got to the point I couldn't even take care of the kids during the day so my parents took them for the week.
Wednesday I called my Endocrinologist about what was going on and they had me get my bloodwork checked which came back Thursday that I have Hyperthyroidism. I have had nodules on my thyroid for years and last summer I woke up one morning with a golfball sized one but my bloodwork was always normal. Without getting too medical on you my TSH was been consistantly going down throughout my pregnancy but my T3 and T4 levels (the actual thyroid hormones) were always normal. So that was the answer to why I felt so horrible.

My Dr. gave me a Beta-blocker to treat some of the symptoms and I go back this week to figure out what they do now. Dealing with this disease is going to be a long, hard road.

I'm home now with my kids, though I don't feel much better and I'm still not sleeping much I'm relying on God to sustain me through this. Ben is having to really step up and help because I can hardly function. I know God is going to use this situation for good and He has a purpose. I still constantly struggle with being depressed over how my life has been turned upside down and how I feel like I'm a shell of a person right now but I'm comforted and thankful to know at least why I feel the way I do and trying to be patient as I wait for my treatment to start. I have to take it one day, sometimes one moment at a time and trust that God will get me through.

21 months and 1 month

A little late...

So since Kyle and Elias's birthdates are so close (15th and 18th) I've decided to combine their updates into one post each month. And because as time goes on, the pictures of them will probably be with them together anyways. Kyle: You are 21 months now and I know this last month with you becoming a big brother has been the hardest. You are doing so well though buddy. You love you little brother to pieces and always want to give him kisses. You get so worried when he cries and always rush to give him his pacifier. We are having to teach you to be gentle though, because you like to point out his eyes and mouth to us which usually invovles a few rough pokes. I know you've had to adjust to not being the center of attention and not getting what you ask for so quickly and you are doing a good job. You also got the worst cold you've ever had this last month and are just now getting better. It's been a hard month but you're been such a good sport and are adjusting well.

Elias: I can't believe you are a month old little buddy! You've grown 2 inches and gained 3lbs 13oz since you were born. You are now 11lbs 1oz and 22 in long. We are finally getting into our schedule and you are doing so well napping now. Sometimes you cry for a minute or two but then you go right to sleep. I'm hoping you'll start stretching out your feedings at night because feeding you 3 times a night is rough...you went 6 hours between feedings the other night so I know you can do it! You really are a content baby though and only cry if you're hungry or tired. I'm excited to see your little personality come out as you grow.

Two under two week 3

So has ended two under two week 3. I honestly don't know how you moms of two or more kids do it? Sometimes I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. I've got a toddler needing me constantly and a newborn who is trying to learn to sleep and eat and be in this new world. How do you do it without feeling like you're going to be ripped in half? All my mom friends of two+ kids says it gets easier. So I'm hoping it either gets easier or I just learn to deal with the stress better because lately it's been enough to send me to tears multiple times. And how do you sleep? Last night it took Elias forever to get to sleep. He's waking 2-3 times to eat in the middle of the night, so that's not bad but coordinating his sleep with Kyle's has been hard because I can't always count on him to sleep for naps all the time. I just try to take it one moment at a time because thinking about more than that is just about too much to handle.

2 under 2 week 2

Well I've just about made it through my first week home alone with the boys. It's been very challenging because we all came down with a horrible cold. Here's some of the things I've learned. - Kyle is such a caring and gentle big brother. He is such a good helper. - Elias seems pretty easy going so far. He hates the car seat but loves the Moby wrap. - I can nurse a baby with one arm and give a toddler a bath with the other. - The Woobie is the best swaddle like thing ever! Paired with the jammies that are open at the bottom and you can change diapers in the middle of the night with ease! - Using nose spray and the aspirator on an infant is like the worst job ever...you feel so mean. - I can't believe I haven't lost my mind yet. Go must give mommies super juice when they are sick.

Elias' first week home

First bath

Big brother kissing little brother in matching outfits

Loves the moby wrap!

Coming home from the hospital

Elias' Birth Story

It seems like for the last few weeks I have had contractions every Thursday night all night long, but I was able to sleep through them for the most part and they tapered off in the morning. Well, Thursday March 17th, St. Patty's Day I just felt like something was off, I just didn't feel good. I went to bed around 8pm and by 10 I was having contractions...no big deal I was used to it, By 4am they were too painful I got up and started to time them. If I was walking around they would be 6-7 min apart and about 50 sec long. If I layed down they would space out to 10-15 min but be 60-75 min long...so I asked Ben to stay home from work, but I didn't know if this was the real thing or not, and there was no way I could take care of Kyle and contract all day long.

I had already had a chiropractor appt. scheduled that morning and decided to go; I figured it would be good to be adjusted before delivery anyways. By about 2pm a friend came over and we decided to walk around a little. They were definitely getting more painful and I couldn't talk through them anymore. By 4pm I was done...I felt like 12+ hours of this was rediculous since Kyle was born in 13.5 start to finish. So I called the midwife and she said it was up to me if I wanted to come in. I couldn't bear the thought of being sent home so she said she'd call back in a hour. By the time she called back I was having to make low noises to get through the pain. She said I should come in since I had to get the antibiotics for group B strep, and I wanted the epidural so she wanted to make sure we had time for both.

We got to the hospital around 5:45pm and I remember this car ride being more painful than the one with Kyle...so I figured that was a good thing. So I got all hooked up on the monitors and I was having some really good contractions...Ben said they were 3 min apart but I don't think they were that close. I just hated having to endure them while lying down...I remembered hating that with Kyle's delivery too. She came in and checked me and I was 4cm, 90% effaced and -1 station! Yay! I got started on the meds and fluids right away. We didn't get into our room till about 9pm and I finally could move around during the contractions..that helped, plus I wanted gravity as much time as I could to help move the baby down before I got the epi. It was funny because during the conractions, I'd move and make my noises to get through them, then in-between Ben and I would be chatting away or he took a nap...very different than with Kyle's labor which was intense from the beginning...though I think this time I just was used to it and knew what to expect. The nurse offered iv pain meds till I got the epi..but I declined...I felt like I was doing great!

I finally got the epi around 9:30pm. This was the scariest part because I had never had one before...but the anesthesiologist was great and told me what she was doing the whole time. Once it started to take effect I totally felt like I was cheating...LOL I could still feel the contractions somewhat on my right side but it was bearable. They rolled me to my right side which helped but I had to go back on my left when the baby's heart rate dropped a little. Within 5 min. of getting the epi we heard and I felt my waterbreak and the contractions definitely intensified from there. By 10:45 I felt pressure and was ready to push. We had to wait until I had started the second dose of antibiotics for 10 min before I could push. So at 11:16pm I started pushing and asked the midwife if I could pull him out when it was time. I pushed him out in 15 min. It was amazing. I could see the whole thing and pulled him out. He was born at 11:29pm, 7lbs 13.6oz, 20 in long. He had the cord wrapped aound his neck twice and was all tangled in it, but he cried right away.

The best feeling in the world is when they lay that baby you worked so hard for on your stomach for the first time...that one memory from Kyle's birth was what kept me going throughout this long and challenging pregnancy.

They gave me pitocin right away afterwards and monitored me very closely so I wouldn't hemmorage like I did with Kyle. It's amazing how much better I felt this time around not losing so much blood.

The whole experience was exactly what I wanted this time and I'm thankful for a healthy baby.

Welcome Elias William

38 weeks

How far along? 38 weeks
How big is baby? Around 7 lbs
Weight gained- 31lbs (I'm still 9 lbs lighter than when I delivered Kyle!)
Progress- none

Dr. appt- so at my appt. yesterday we've discovered I have an anxiety to the blood pressure cuff now because whenever they take it it's like crazy high, then I lay down for a few minutes and it goes back to normal...but it freaked my midwife out enough to send me to L & D to get bloodwork done and have them monitor my bp for a couple hours. Luckily everything came back normal, and my bp stayed in the 120's/60-70's. The baby looked great on the monitor too. I was having contractions every 6-7 min but she checked me and I'm still only 1cm dilated. I know that doesn't mean anything cause my water could break tomorrow. So just to be safe now I have to take my blood pressure every day and lay down for an hour 3x a day. It's a pain but I'm glad I don't have pre-eclampsia and the baby is doing well. I know I only have to do this for a couple weeks and he'll be here!

But I couldn't help and be a little dissapointed when we left the hospital and I saw a mom taking her new baby boy out to the car in the same car seat we have...all in God's timing though.

So if I make it to update you next week I will officially be more pregnant than I ever have been...Kyle was born at 38 weeks 6 days.

Cute video

20 months

Another month has flown by and Kyle you are already 20 months old! In just 4 short months we will be having your 2nd birthday party...crazy!

Here are the highlights of who you are right now.

Talking: Your favorite words are "no" and "more" (thought it sounds more like "moy"). It's funny cause you will se "no, no, no" to yourself when you're going to do something you're not supposed to, or when somethings happening you don't like...it's really cute most of the time.

Food: You are eating better...I actually got you to eat a carrot stick today. Besides you not liking veggies much, you eat alot of good food like fruit, yogurt, cheese, and most meat.

You are in 24 month and 2t clothes and size 6 shoes...still size 4 diapers.

37 weeks

37 weeks with Kyle and with #2...looks pretty much the same.

How Far along? 37 weeks...Yay we made it to Full Term! Baby can come out anytime now!
Size of baby- watermelon...around 6.5lbs
Movement- lots as always
Weight gained- 31lbs
Progress- didn't get checked, but still having lots of BH's and some contractions here and there...more pressure too.
BP- 108/65...so thankful it went down ALOT (I think the BP cuff in the room I usually have my appts. must be faulty cause I was in a new room this time.
HB- I didn't ask, but it sounded good.
Fundal height- 36cm still

I also found out today I'm group B Strep +, so I have to go right to the hospital if my water breaks to get IV anti-biotics, or come in pretty early on in labor to get it. I had a feeling for some reason that I would be this time; I wasn't with Kyle. It kind of takes away the concern of when to go to the hospital, all of which includes getting Kyle taken care of and such...But it will be a new experience since I didn't have to deal with it last time.

I've been so thankful I've had so much energy the last couple days so I can get out and walk and get the last few things done that I need to before the baby comes... Here's how my list is going.

- wash MORE baby clothesbouncer and carseat cover
- Clean out my car inside/out and install carseat base
- Pack hospital bag (mostly done)
- Get a couple new toys to keep Kyle busy in the first few weeks at home (got some, will get more)
- Put up his name letters in the boys room and wall vinyl
- order new power cord for video monitor- reinstall camera so Kyle can't reach it.(fixed it once, now need to figure something better out)

So that's pretty good. Not much left.

36 weeks

Well no picture today cause I've been sick all week and don't look the best...yucky stomach bug.
I had an appt. yesterday. Everything was great except my bp was a little high 122/86 when I was 116/76 last time. But we're thinking it was because I'm getting over this sickness. So here's the rest of the stats.

Size of baby- about 6- 6 1/2lbs
Weight gain- 28.5lbs (lost 1.5lbs from being sick)
Fundal height- 36cm
Movement- lots...it's keeping me up at night
Progress- 1cm dilated, 50% effaced, -2 station
HR- 120's but he was sleeping

So we're getting to the end! She doesn't think I'll make it to my due date. I'm thinking it will probably be about 2 weeks. We'll see. I'm ready...just a few things to finish on the list. I'm just thankful God's in control and knows exactly when he'll be born.

Last days as an only child

Kyle and I haven't had a picture together in a long time and I won't want to forget what it's like to just have him. He won't be an only child much longer. I'm sad and excited at the same time because I'm excited for him to have a playmate and hopefully a friend for life.

I got a few things marked off my list this weekend.

- Bought drawers for the closet (Ben still has to put them together)
- Washed some newborn outfits and blankets.
- Almost finished my nursing cover...just have to sew the pocket

- Gave Kyle a haircut (though that wasn't on the original list)

- Talked to my mom about helping be a labor coach with Ben

We're getting there!

35 weeks

I'm 35 weeks! (sorry no pic from Kyle's pg)


Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 35 Weeks
Size of baby: Around 5.25 lbs - about the size of a honeydew melon
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gained 30 lbs
Maternity Clothes: I'm down to just a few things I can still fit into. I am pulling out short sleeved maternity tops I wore with Kyle because the weather has been so nice!
Gender: Still boy
Movement: Has days of lots of activity, and seems to sleep more other days.
Sleep: Getting up 3+ times a night to pee or a really painful braxton hicks contraction wakes me up. Some nights I wake up and it takes me like an hour to go back to sleep.
What I miss: sleeping on my stomach, bending over, being able to hold Kyle and walk around.
Cravings: Teddy grahams and chocolate ice cream.
Symptoms: Baby has gotten alot lower, I'm feeling more consistant pressure.
Best Moment this week: I have been nesting like CRAZY! Everyday I have the urge to clean. I never did this with Kyle! Yesterday was bathrooms and my room. Today is the living room, tomorrow the TV room, and who knows what else!!

No appt. this week. We're getting the drawers for the baby this weekend so I can finally wash clothes and the carseat. Here's what I have left to do on my list:

- wash baby clothes, sheets, bouncer and carseat cover
- make new nursing cover

- Clean out my car inside/out and install carseat base
- Pack hospital bag
- Have my baby sprinkle!
- Get a couple new toys to keep Kyle busy in the first few weeks at home

- Put up his name letters in the boys room and wall vinyl
- order new power cord and battery for video monitor- reinstall camera so Kyle can't reach it.

I know I had all this stuff done for Kyle by now, but I'm kind of waiting till the last minute because if I'm wrong and this baby isn't early then I have lots of time to fill in March. Some of the stuff def. doesn't have to be done before the baby comes, but at least washing a few clothes for him and getting the hospital bag packed do.